Reluctant Birthday Boy

by Michelle

My husband prefers not to celebrate his birthday, but I enjoy planning and giving parties. I know he would really enjoy the party and seeing all of his friends and family after he was there and the party was going on. My dilemma is that I can't really plan the party without him knowing about it, and I don't want to create any tension with him because of the party. What should I do? Cancel the party and celebrate low key with just the two of us, or go ahead and plan the party without him?

Hi Michele,

I can relate very well to your dilemma. My husband has always preferred to avoid his birthday, too, and it was only recently that I learned why.

It used to cause conflict between us because I would always try to get the perfect gift and plan a nice celebration. It never worked out, yet I continued to try for a lot of years out of our 27 together.

Your husband’s reasons may be different, but whatever they are, I think you should plan something that he would be happy with, like just the two of you, as you mentioned.

Your gift of respecting his wishes and feelings would be appreciated even more if you could explain how you feel about missing the fun of planning his party.

Try to talk with him about what you are missing, and maybe you can agree on a party for a different occasion. Maybe a non-birthday party, a halloween masquerade party, or a party celebrating the day you met.

If he is not a party person for any occasion, plan one that’s optional for him, or plan one that’s just for your girlfriends, where you “roast” your husbands, in absentia.

I hope these ideas help you, and that you can decide on a solution that works for you both.

Cathy

P.S. Did you see the Party for Two page yet?

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